hypothetical little brother

I had a conversation with a friend yesterday on how both of us just wanted to drop our overload of responsibilities and just do something for ourselves - community service, travel the world, whatever.  (In my case, it was "had wanted to"...and I'm going to try really hard not to make the same mistake if and when I re-enroll).

In any case, conversation turned to a few people with whom we both served with in a student group two years ago, people we sorely missed.  This student group that my friend runs is now quite large, at least its executive board - and we both felt that what it gained in ability to do things, it lost in intimacy.

In my case, I woke up a few mornings ago really, really missing the person who once referred to me as her "hypothetical little brother."  This was during Meiklejohn orientation of my junior year.  I had no idea what I was doing, where my group was, where to sit, etc.  And then I heard "Hey Jon!"  And instantly, I knew everything was going to be okay.  I still remember the dress she was wearing (light pink, white, and brown, I think), and whenever I feel down, I just have to bring up that image of her to make me feel happy.

I've always felt closer to older people, girls especially, something I've come to call the "older sister complex."  To go way back, I actually think this has its roots in elementary school.  When I was in fifth grade (and I cannot believe I'm actually writing this), I once had a clear bottle of apple juice that I took out to drink on the bus on the way home.  What is the color of apple juice?  And what does that look like to immature little kids?  Exactly.

Instantly, a chorus of "OHMYGOD IS THAT PEE?" swelled around me, and to be honest, I no longer remember my reaction, but it was probably bewildered, scared, and hurt.  What I do remember is a sixth-grade girl standing up and yelling "shut up, you guys, it's just apple juice!"  I no longer remember her name, what she looked like, or what we talked about afterward (or even if we did), but that incident stands out in my mind clear as day.

Ever since then, older girls have very often taken on the "older sister" mentality for me - given me advice, listen to me rant, talk with me and make things okay.  The only problem is that I can be very clingy, both physically and emotionally (something I'm really trying to work on/pray about).  But back to my friend at Meiklejohn orientation.  Afterward, we sat down for lunch at a pizza place while we talked about our upcoming semesters, and how apprehensive I was for med school.  She didn't lecture me, and gave me a little advice, but more importantly, she made me feel happy, and good about myself - that whatever I chose to do was the right thing, and she had no doubts that I would do it well.  Maybe med school wasn't the right path for me.  Maybe science in general wasn't.  But that was okay.  And if I eventually decided I wanted to go to med school, there were plenty of options, and she would always be there for me.  I'm pretty sure we ended the conversation on the topic of palm-reading and heart lines, and I walked out reassured...something that I wouldn't begin to really feel again until a few months ago.

As I told my friend (the one running the student group) yesterday, I know that the two of us aren't going to be best friends, and she's not going to pour her life story out to me, even if I do it to her (I'll talk about reciprocity in a future post).  And that's okay.  We're still friends, and if I, or anyone else, ever need a "consult," she will be there and make things good again as only she can - to "just take deep breaths...you'll be fine; you're very qualified."